Rhapsody-19

EDIT: I think I overreacted. I should stop being so darn sensitive.

I'm sorry to be mean, but I don't really care if you've got a problem with me. I'm tired, I don't have time to deal with your insignificant issues with me. It'd be different if they were about something important, but I don't have the time to deal with the petty little things you have against me.

Please do me and everyone else in the world a favor and just act your age.

I'll hurt people, but never intentionally. If you tell me something along the lines of

or


I'll apologize, I'm not so prideful that I won't admit I'm wrong. But I won't want to if you make such a big deal out of nothing. God said to be compassionate and loving, but He never said to grovel at the feet of every person you've wronged and beg for their forgiveness.

Maybe I should just stop caring altogether and talk about you; every little mistake you make, or every petty thing about you that I don't find perfect and wonderful. Do you think I don't see things and hear things and notice things? I know how you feel about me, but you probably don't know how I feel about you because I'm just not like that, I don't talk about what I don't particularly like about people the second they say/do something that isn't sweet and kind.

I don't appreciate you holding enmity in your heart while you smile at me and act as if nothing had happened. Truth be told, I've had enough of this crap, of people putting on this innocent act around me and spitting words of hate about me to everyone else. Of people listening to my feelings just so they can turn around and use my words to plunge a knife in my back. Truthfully, I'm more observant than you give me credit for, you can play ninja all you want, but it's not like I'm incapable of figuring it out.

This boils down to eight words. I don't care what you think of me. Harsh, I get it. Of course, I want people around me to like me and be comfortable around me, and I'll try my best to be a pleasant person, but if you're going to freak about every little thing I say when I'm tired, stressed out, and/or annoyed, to be blunt, your problems with me are not worth my time. You're not exactly a ball of sunshine yourself, so please try to cut me some slack.

If you're not going to confront me, then please try your best not to rant to other people so blatantly. That only tells me that you won't settle for a heartfelt apology. What do you want me to do, put on a musical showstopper to beg you to forgive me at one point in my pathetic, pathetic life? Please. You are the least of my worries, but maybe one of the more annoying ones, because there is no reason for this to even be a problem. The world doesn't revolve around you, and mine certainly doesn't. I care about you, I want you to be happy, but if you insist on being immature and throwing this ridiculous tantrum, I won't waste my time trying to help you out. Again, tell me what made you feel this way about me (even though I already know, it'd nice to hear it from your mouth) and I'll sincerely apologize to you.

By the way, the person to whom this entire complaint/rant/eye-bleeding, annoying nonsense is directed to probably won't read this. But it doesn't matter, I only wanted to blow off some steam.

I hate seeing my past self come out like this. It's like angry past-Easter except with a more calm and balanced tone instead of the emotional and colorful outbursts. I didn't change only to revert back to being the apathetic, cold-hearted, angry human being I used to be. All the stress in my life is putting a strain on me, it's hard to be pleasant when you feel like you're being stretched out to the breaking point, but I guess they're never felt this way in their life. Maybe I'd be satisfied if I'd just let myself loose and trash the person, to abandon the limits I put on myself and just scream out everything I feel horrible for thinking for even a second.

Who am I kidding? I know the only one who will be satisfied with that is Satan waiting to capture my soul.

I'm trying my hardest not to tread on any toes, but I'm getting tired of tip-toeing around everywhere, especially with this load of responsibilities I'm carrying with me. 

Hard livin' got me feelin' very selfish
Crab in a bucket tryin' to crush these other shellfish
Forget a chip up off my shoulder, man, I carry boulders
I don't know how to control them when they get to rollin'
If people pop off at the mouth I try to keep cool
All I wanna do is fix it, troubleshooter
Yeah, it sounds wrong, if this carries on