Why do I feel so empty inside?
Nothing but anger and confusion, frustration and loneliness are lurking in the depths of my heart.
What's wrong with me?
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
I can only have so much faith in a deaf God.
I need to just admit, my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out on religion
I say an empty prayer, I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion's gone.
Very big of you to run your mouth about something you quite obviously have no business talking about.
I don't want to argue with such a hard-headed person.
You think you're special
You do
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it when you laugh at me
Look down on me
and walk around on me
Why so serious?
Tiptoe through the window
By the window, that is where I'll be
Come tiptoe through the tulips with me
RESPECT ME.
I deserve your respect because my mother decided to have me years before you came along.
Not because I have impeccable character, great values, a well-rounded personality, or that I strive to be an upright and moral citizen. Simply because I'm older than you and therefore I do not have to earn your respect in any way.
Earning respect? How ridiculous.
Everyone knows you're born with it.
...
I understand the whole respect your elders bit, I honestly and wholeheartedly do. But here's my train of thought on why we are told to respect our elders. (No one ever questions these things, do they?)
People whom are older than me have experienced more of what life has to offer than I have. With experience comes knowledge, and with knowledge comes wisdom (hopefully). They have been in similar situations as I am finding myself in; because they have overcome these obstacles, they can look back at their experiences in retrospect, while I must look at my situations in intraspect. All in all, I believe the "respect your elders" notion comes from the fact they have simply experienced more than I have, are more knowledgeable than I, and can, in a way, predict my future by looking back at their past.
That's all good and dandy.
But.
How do I respect a person older when said person acts younger than I? How do I respect a person when I can't help but think that this person has lived several more years than I have but has gained nothing from their experiences? Why should I respect someone who repeatedly asks for it but never thinks to earn it?
I will earn my respect in speech, in life, in love, faith, and purity.
My "elders" can earn theirs in wisdom, in leadership, in humility, kindness, and maturity.
I'll give my respect to older people from the minute I meet them; they'll lose it if they're nothing more than a child that found its way into an adult's body.
I can feel my mind is changing. Before, I'd obey whatever I was told without so much as a single complaint. Now, I'm questioning why I do things at every turn, challenging every command I'm given.
I wish I had more time to be just another stupid kid, doing stupid kid things. I don't particularly want to be an "influential part of the teenage rebellion against low standards", or a heartwarming youth speaker standing before hundreds of thousands of people, or even the leader of a group of kids in an everyday situation. I want to enjoy my time as a youth, not use it as a mini-adult field run. I've got all my life to be a mature adult, and I've been living as one this whole time; what I want now is to live up my last few years as just another kid.
But it's never about what I want.
I'm just a regular brat, making rude and obnoxious comments at every turn.
Very very very few people know a little more about me than I let everyone else see. Because very very very few people are more than just pretty words and empty promises.
All my life I've been good
But now I'm thinking, what the hell?
All I want is to mess around
And I don't really care about
If you love me, if you hate me
What do I want from me?
I want to learn to play electric/acoustic guitar very well.
I want to get a novel published.
I want to have an original screenplay cone to life.
I want to be well-read.
I want to be tolerant.
I want to be kind.
I want to be wise.
I want to learn to break-dance.
I want to write an honest song.
I want to write a meaningful poem.
I want to learn to roller-blade.
I want to be fearless.
I want to be forgiving.
I want to be whimsical.
I want to be calculating.
I want to be rational.
I want to be a good student.
I want to be a good teacher.
I want to be independent.
I want to learn to play the piano.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be a good daughter.
I want to be a good sister.
I want to find my place in the world.
I want to figure out who I am and what I want.
I want my cold heart to thaw.
I want to kill my apathy.
I want to fulfill my dreams.
I want to change the world.
I want to help people.
I want to sing to people who want to hear my voice.
I want to sit with people that desire my company.
I want to make someone feel better.
I want to overcome my fear of heights and look at a city from a rooftop.
I want to believe there's someone in this world who'll understand me.
I want to believe there's someone in this world who believes in me.
I want to believe there's someone in this world who won't judge who I am but guide me to who I want to be.
I want to bake cakes that make people happy.
I want to give roses to someone lonely on Valentine's day.
I want to spend Christmas with someone who has no one else to spend it.
I want to watch the sun rise.
I want to watch the sun rise with someone I love.
I want to be strong.
I want to be witty.
I want to be extroversive.
I want to be calm and patient.
I want to be outgoing.
I want to be helpful.
I want things to be different.
A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'
Please don't try to make me feel better with some generic, meaningless "advice". I know I should go to God. I know that these struggles will help develop my character. I know that my "brothers and sisters in Christ" are always "there to help me out". I know, I know, I know.
Please don't say you know how I feel, because chances are, you don't. I know that there are people who are way worse off than me, but that doesn't change the fact that my situation sucks.
Sometimes you don't need to say anything. Sometimes it's okay just to listen.
Am I being mean to you?
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